Fat Bomb!

We just got back from a mad festival – ATP (All tomorrows Parties) on
the coast in East Sussex. Each year they're curated by a different
artist/performer, a few years ago it was done by Sonic Youth. This
year was by Vincent Gallo, the director of Buffalo 66, so it was
pretty eclectic with people like Lydia Lunch, Jon Spencer's Blues
Explosion, Money Mark, PJ Harvey, John Frusciante (from the Chillie
Peppers), some freaky Japanese birds called Afrirampo and bunch of
others including Yoko Ono and Son, Sean Lennon.

I mentioned the last two because I've got a bit of a tale about ole Sean.

So we got there, Me, Reg, and Sandy, and checked in to get the key to
our room. Yeah, that's right, a ROOM! Everyone gets a little motel
room with a kitchen, bathroom, fridge and TV (which was constantly
showing Gallo's favourite flicks), enough room for four. No more muddy
tents, no more being covered crap for days and dying to get home into
that shower to scrape your cake. This is the festival of style.

We dumped our bag, cracked open the bottles, and checked the line up.
First up were the freaky Japanese birds that have a sound like the
Ramones with kitsch edge.

'Let's take some Mushies,' Sandy said.

We did.

So the Japs were pumping, we were buzzing, and I spot none other than
Vinny Gallo sitting in front of the stage in the VIP section.

I gotta congratulate him, I think. I push my way to the front and lean
over the barrier placing both hands on his shoulders with my arse in
the air to the crowd. 'Vincent,' I say.

He looks up at me, smiles, and pats my hand.

'Do you like the girls?' I point to the stage.

'Yes, they're a pair of my favourite artists.'

'Well done, mate. I love your work. Can I buy you a drink?'

Then Sean Lennon leans across me and whispers something to Vinny.
Sean's eyes glaring at me. That might be Sean, and I might be
tripping, but the guy just acted like a rude prick. Me and Vinny were
talking.

I see Yoko sitting next to him.

'Sean,' I say, 'How are you?'

'Good, thank you.' He looks back at the band. I tap him on the
shoulder, 'That's awfully nice of you to bring your ole mum along.'

He glances at Yoko, back at me and smiles.

'So Sean' I lean in close. 'How do you feel about living in the shadow
of your father?'

He doesn't look back, but I can see the pink rising under chin where
his beard gets thin. The guy even looks like he's impersonating his
father. I let the crowd swallow me back up and it's not until after
that I thought of the killer touch, by saying, 'and your mother.'

I know. He's human like the rest of us and he's got feelings. I've
been through my next morning shame, feeling bad with my serious
hangover, but it's not like I ruined his life. He's probably alre4ady
been through years of therapy and just didn't know how to respond in a
single sentence to my question. And he played really crap the next day
so I feel totally justified.

On other news, Anzac day was here today and I made my students have a
moment of silence, not that I bothered to explain it to them in too
much detail; I've got a couple of Turks in class. The little murdering
bastards. Just joking. I know it was the English.

So I'm counting down the days left at work, only eleven to go (that's
working days). And I had the conversation with my boss, Darren, today
about taking three weeks unpaid leave after I've had my fill with paid
leave. He hasn't said 'no' yet.

He crossed his legs and recrossed them three times, before he said,
'Well Tom, I don't know about this.' (Think fat camp man with short
arms and big hands, waving them about) He exudes a tight smarmy smile.
'How do we know this isn't going to happen again?'

'Huh?' I say, but I'm thinking 'I fucking wish, mate. Five star
accommodation for free, if it happens again I won't be asking.

'I mean what if you're girlfriend has to...'

'My fiancé,' I corrected.

'Yes, if she has to go off to India again in six months. We can't be
creating a situation. We have to hire someone to cover your teaching,
you know?'

Yeah right, I'm thinking, we've been short staffed of tutors for six
months with everyone covering two classes when the teachers are sick.
These people are tight. But I know it all comes down to money, and I
play my winning loyalty card,

'Look, I understand if you can't wait that long. I'll just apply for
my job when I get back.'

It'll be months before they get their act together.

'I can't tell you now.' He's waving his hands about. 'But I'll give
you answer at the end of the week.

'That's fine.' After all, I'm thinking it mustn't be his decision.
He's got to speak to his boss. But either way, it's good to be in a
position where you don't really care. You always feel like you're
winning.

Notes on Squating

As a recent resident in London I’m often confronted with the cost of living here, and if you have any aspirations of being an artist and renting a studio you’d better have a grant or a massive bank account because the rent for a studio space can range from £75-200+/week, and usually that’s for a desk space, but there are ways around it.

At a pub in Brixton, The Prince Albert, I met a guy called Andy, he’s been a squatter all his life. His earliest memory is of living in a Brixton squat with his mother twenty five years ago, she was pregnant and going into labour, her contractions were kicking in and she ordered him to run to the phone box to call the ambulance.

“Help,” he cried into the phone, “I need an ambulance.

“Where to, son?”

“Brixton.”

Click, the phone hung up.

He dialed again. “Help. I need an ambulance to Brixton.”

Click.

He could hear his mother’s cries from outside on the street. He tried again. “My mother’s going into labour,” he cried, “She’s having a baby.”

“Woe. Slow down, son. Where is she?”

After he explained, the switchboard sent all three that he’d called for, but it was too late. His baby brother had been born in a squat.

Andy no longer lives in a squat but uses one for a studio. He paints urban landscapes of Brixton life, i.e. Drug dealers wandering through the marketplace with the crazy evangelists preaching on the street.

He hooked me up with my own studio in a squat, the old Clapham Junction theatre, but the whole place needed power. I knew that electrical engineering course I did would come in handy. But people talk, and soon I got a call from a girl called Erin asking if I could come over and help her out too. It was in a place that had only been recently claimed, a week ago.

The rules, I’m told, are if you can enter a building through an open door or window and it’s totally unoccupied, squatters have got the right to claim it, but that said, to lay claim to a space there must be at least one squatter present on the property at all times.

I went to this place and met Erin and her friends, they were cool guys. I was just getting down to the business of sorting out the electrics when there was a bashing on the door. “Who the f*** is in there?”

“Oh shit,” said Erin, standing next to me, holding my screwdriver. Her boyfriend, Scott, runs to the door to look through the peephole. “It’s a bloody big guy,” he says to us.

“Get the f*** out!” the big bloke starts kicking the door. The whole house is rattling.

“We’re squatting.” Scott yelled back, “We’ve got a right to be here.”

“Like f***.” He kicked the door again, and said something to his mates, soon someone’s kicking at the back door. “If you don’t want a bashing, you better come out now.”

I’m packing up my tools, thinking, there’s no way he’s going to keep that promise. Erin’s screaming out the key hole, “I’m calling the cops!” and she does. It was then, when she was on the phone to the cops, I discovered she was an epileptic. Her hands are shaking and she thrust the phone into my hand, “You gotta talk to them, I got to take my medication.”

“What?”

“Talk to them!”

I’m looking at the mobile in my hand, thinking, this isn’t my drama. I only came here to do you a favour. I don’t even know you people. “Hello?”

“What’s going on?” the copper asks.

I tell them four guys are trying to break into our house. There were only three but they were big. I didn’t mention our squatting situation. “Back off!” screams Erin, taking back her phone, she’s like a fired up banshee now after her medication. “The cops are on the way! You break in here, they’ll arrest you! Six months in gaol.”

They did back off too, it was like the eye inside the storm. Three big guys stood outside the door waiting for the cops, laughing. “When they come,” they said, “You’re f***ed.”

I smiled at my new friends inside, “Well, it sure has been nice to meet you.”

Erin and Scott ran upstairs to pack their bags. Minutes later, the cops arrived.

“What are they doing?” Scott yelled.

“Talking to the guys outside.” Then the cops left

“What?”

“They’re gone!” I yelled.

The big guy knocked on the door. “They’re getting a meat wagon to collect you.”

I’m thinking, how do I land myself into these situations? The other guys are running around, madly trying collecting their things. About three minutes later I looked out the window again, “Hey, I think they’re gone.”

Hesitantly, I opened the door. Two houses down, an old Jamaican man was fixing his car. “It’s okay,” he said, “They gone.”

“Where?” I asked, “To get their mates?”

“No. The coppers, they said they had to get a courts eviction.”

We met another guy who had been watching. “What are you kids doing?” he asked, “I was meant to auction that house today.”

He was the auctioneer and it was due to start at six thirty that evening.

As I said, they’d only recently got into that house, about a week ago, but you really wouldn’t have known it was for sale with the pigeons living in the roof and the stairs missing their banister, plus there were no ‘for sale’ signs out the front. The big guys were security guards who were meant to have been giving the place twenty-four-hour surveillance, but like the house they had been neglecting their duties, nicking down to the pub and getting paid for it, easy work for the last two months.

“They’re going to be unemployed soon,” said the auctioneer.

No wonder they were so pissed off.

The auctioneer was very nice, he even offered to show us some houses where we wouldn’t be discovered for months and to buy us all dinner. It was too weird so we declined. But one of the potential buyers did turn up, an orthodox Jew, with the beard, hat, and everything. Of course we let him in to inspect the house. The guys squatting decided to leave because it was a major inconvenience for everybody, and it’d only be a month before the courts evicted them.

I haven’t moved into a squat yet, not to live, but it’s still a cheap option for a studio. In some ways I feel like a tourist staring into the rabbit hole, one foot in the door and one out, but it sure is good being warm in winter.

VENUES and CLUBS in Amsterdam and Netherlands

(from Dutch Rock & Pop Institute)

The list of venues published on this page contains relevant rock/dance venues (including the Big 5) in the Netherlands that regularly programme international artists.

013 Popcentrum/kleine zaal
Gert Gering
Karen Proeme
Postbus 9022
5000 HA TILBURG
t: 013-4609500
f: 013-4609501
popcentrum@013web.nl
www.013web.nl

AtakDiederik Walther
Noorderhagen 127
511 EL ENSCHEDE
t: 053-4322388/4322689
f: 053-4321142
atak@atak.nl
www.atak.nl

Atlantis
Fons Hofmans
Breedstraat 33
1811 HE ALKMAAR
t: 072-5118390
f: 072-5118856
info@atlantispodium.nl
www.atlantispodium.nl

Azijnfabriek
Danny Bol
Postbus 122
6040 AC ROERMOND
t: 0475-333976
f: 0475-311632
danny@azijnfabriek.nl
info@azijnfabriek.nl
www.azijnfabriek.nl

't Beest
Robbert van Hoften
Beestenmarkt 3
4461 CS GOES
t: 0113-228142
f: 0113-233285
robbert@tbeest.nl
www.tbeest.nl

Bibelot
Wilfred Roubos
Postbus 591
3300 AN DORDRECHT
t: 078-6133482
f: 078-6315153
info@bibelot.net
www.bibelot.net

het Bolwerk
John Schut
Postbus 122
8600 AC SNEEK
t: 0515-418707
f: 0515-422531
programmering@hetbolwerk.nl
www.hetbolwerk.nl

Brogum
Ton vd Repe
Postbus 95
4300 AB ZIERIKZEE
t: 0111-450127
f: 0111-450126
info@brogum.nl
www.brogum.nl

Buk Buk
Frans Langedijk
Postbus 108
1850 AC HEILOO
t: 072-5321048
f: 072-5321049
artiestenburonh@zonnet.nl
www.bukbuk.nl

Burgerweeshuis
Marry Dijkshoorn
Bagijnenstraat 9
7411 PT DEVENTER
t: 0570-619198
f: 0570-641013
bwh@wxs.nl
www.burgerweeshuis.nl

Donkey Shot
Patrick Duyker A.
Verherentstraat 1
1961 GD HEEMSKERK
t: 0251-230995
f: 0251-240983
info@donkeyshot.nl
www.donkeyshot.nl

Doornroosje
Albert Reinink
Groenewoudseweg 322
6525 EL NIJMEGEN
t: 024-3554243 (kantoor)
f: 024-3568015
mail@doornroosje.nl
www.doornroosje.nl

C.C. de Effenaar
Robert Schaeffer
Dommelstraat 2
5611 CK EINDHOVEN
t: 040-2448861
f: 040-2436769
info@effenaar.nl
www.effenaar.nl

EkkoSytse Wils
Bemuurde Weerd W.Z. 3
3513 BH UTRECHT
t: 030-2317457
f: 030-2310402
info@ekko.nl
www.ekko.nl

Gigant
Mark Frieswijk
Postbus 367
7300 AJ APELDOORN
t: 055-5216346
f: 055-5788797
info@gigant.nl www.gigant.nl´

Groene Engel
Hans Wijnand
Postbus 273
5340 AG OSS
t: 0412-638445
f: 0412-638015
info@groene-engel.nl
www.groene-engel.nl

Hedon
Bas Cappendijk
Burgemeester Drijbersingel 7
8021 DA ZWOLLE
t: 038-4527229
f: 038-4526067
info@hedon-zwolle.nl
www.hedon-zwolle.nl

Iduna
Joan Tienstra
Postbus 224
9200 AE DRACHTEN
t: 0512-522650
f: 0512-516544
iduna@iduna.demon.nl
www.iduna.demon.nl

de Kade
Hans Eliëns
Postbus 1024
1500 AA ZAANDAM
t: 075-6176972 (di 9-18u)
f: 075-6161861dekade@dekade.a2000.nl
www.kade.nl
J.C. het Kasteel
Dick Boerefijn
Postbus 360
2400 AJ ALPHEN A/D RIJN
t: 0172-432424
f: 0172-431386
info@hetkasteel.nl
www.hetkasteel.nl

LVC
Lillian Ketting
Breestraat 66
2311 CS LEIDEN
t: 071-5146449
f: 071-5125366
administratie@lvc.nl
www.lvc.nl

Manifesto
Linda Delis
Postbus 1001620 AC HOORN
t: 0229-249839
f: 0229-218525
info@manifesto-hoorn.nl
www.manifesto-hoorn.nl

Merleyn
Peter Onstein
Hertogstraat 13
6511 RV NIJMEGEN
t: 024-3224737
f: 024-3249666
info@merleyn.nl
www.merleyn.nl

Nirwana
Ard Verheijen
Meervensedijk 4
5715 PZ LIEROP
t: 0492-331779
f: 0492-332213
programmering@nirwana.nl
www.nirwana.nl

Paard op Hol
Majel Blonden
Postbus 10430
2501 HK DEN HAAG
t: 070-3601838
f: 070-3630357
info@paard.nl
www.paard.nl

Para
William Dierckx
Postbus 1894
4801 BW BREDA
t: 076-5218676
f: 076-5202376
postmaster@para.nl
www.para.nl

Park 3
Kees Krouwl
Postbus 79
3840 AB HARDERWIJK
t: 0341-412118
f: 0341-423033
info@park3.nl
www.park3.com

Patronaat
Jeroen Blijleven
Zijlsingel 2
2013 DN HAARLEM
t: 023-5324103
f: 023-5322550
info@patronaat.nl
www.patronaat.nl

Perron 55
Marcel Tabbers
Kaldenkerkerweg 55
5913 AC VENLO
t: 077-3516874
f: 077-3540612
info@perron55.nl
www.peron55.nl

Pop & Cultuurpodium De Peppel
Ivar Dekkinga
Montaubanstraat 106
3701 HZ ZEIST
t: 030-6935000
f: 030-6935009
info@peppel.demon.nl
www.peppel.demon.nl

het Podium
Marco Petersen
Postbus 189
7900 AD HOOGEVEEN
t: 0528-275355
f: 0528-274798
info@hetpodium.nl
www.hetpodium.nl

St. Pop West-Friesland (R17 + de Hoogte)
R17: José de Jong
De Hoogte: Efraïm van Veenp/a R17
Postbus 17
1610 AA BOVENKARSPEL
t: 0228-520817
f: 0228-520968
info@r17.nl
www.r17.nl

de Pul
Loek Borrèl
Postbus 159
5400 AD UDEN
t: 0413-265091
f: 0413-266125
stgdepul.uden@planet.nl
www.depul-uden.nl

Rotown
Gideon Karting
Nieuwe Binnenweg 19
3014 GB ROTTERDAM
t: 010-4363534/4361210
f: 010-4363532
info@rotown.nl
www.rotown.nl

muziekcentrum Schaaf
Harrie Muis
Breedstraat 48
8911 GJ LEEUWARDEN
t: 058-2158003
f: 058-2134702
info@muziekcentrumschaaf@nl
www.muziekcentrumschaaf.nl

So What
Arjan Buurman
Vest 30
2801 VE GOUDA
t: 0182-519232
f: 0182-513394
info@so-what.nl
www.so-what.nl

Speakers
Lars Kelpin
Postbus 3105
2601 DC DELFT
t: 015-2124446
f: 015-2137316
info@speakers.nl
www.speakers.nl

Tagrijn
Betti Plug
Koninginneweg 44
1211 AS HILVERSUM
t: 035-6215841
f: 035-6241819
tagrijn@tagrijn.nl
www.tagrijn.nl

Tavenu
Jerry Kepers
Taxandriaweg 13
5142 PA WAALWIJK
t: 0416-340322
f: 0416-342957
info@tavenu.nl
www.tavenu.nl

Unitas
Ans Punt
Gen. Foulkesweg 74
6703 BW WAGENINGEN
t: 0317-412909
f: 0317-414496
unitas@xs4all.nl
www.wau.nl/unitas

De Vloer
Edwin Haast
Postbus 2509
3500 GM UTRECHT
t: 030-2109191
f: 030-2109192
info@devloer.nl
www.devloer.nl

W2
Ivo Cooymans
Postbus 688
5201 AR DEN BOSCH
t: 073-6123422
f: 073-6130990
info@w2.nl
www.w2.nl

Waterfront
Peter van der Stelt
Boompjeskade 15
3011 XE ROTTERDAM
t: 010-4145288
f: 010-2132137
info@waterfront.nl
www.waterfront.nl

Willemeen
Eric van der
Put Willemsplein 1
6811 KA ARNHEM
t: 026-4426021
f: 026-4436748
info@willemeen.nl
www.willemeen.nl


BIG VENUES-CLUBS

013 Popcentrum/The Choice
Karin Proeme
Gert Gering
Postbus 9022
5000 HA TILBURG
t: 013-4609500
f: 013-4609501
popcentrum@013web.nl
www.013web.nl

Melkweg
John van Luyn
Frans Goossens
Lijnbaansgracht 234a
1017 PH AMSTERDAM
t: 020-
: 020-5318188
melkweg@melkweg.nl
www.melkweg.nl

Nighttown
Ronald Ligtenberg
Postbus 25080
3001 HB ROTTERDAM
t: 010-4361210
f: 010-4363532
live@nighttown.nl
www.nighttown.nl

Paradiso
Jan Willem Sligting
Weteringschans 6-8
1017 SG AMSTERDAM
t: 020-6268790
f: 020-6222721
paradiso@paradiso.nl
www.paradiso.nl

Tivoli
Johan Gijsen
Oudegracht 245bis
3511 NL UTRECHT
t: 030-2313499
f: 030-2304628
info@tivoli.nl
www.tivoli.nl

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