Thursday, August 10, 2006

Was God a suicide bomber?

I was thinking about the way of the world, you know, the usual questions of why we are here? How did it all begin? etc...

Well, you have too, everybody does sometimes.

But let me try to explain my thoughts. In the beginning the creator did some creating. Well, there's many theories on what happened after this, both in science and religion, but there's basically two on how it all came about. You know, the big bang and the creationist theory that it took the big guy a couple of days.

What is the difference really between a big bang and an Old Bearded One clicking his fingers?

Bang!
Click!

You see that. They're pretty similar.

Bang!
Click!

Is everybody missing something? Does it matter if it's bang or click. For Christ's sake, they're the same.

And old Nietzsche, the philosopher with his idea that God is dead. The guy that the band Nine Inch Nails ripped off. Well, he was right too. Everybody's right.

Here's my reason.

One day in the nothingness before space existed, God decided he's had enough of this nothingness shit and thinks he's gonna do himself a favour and end it all. For fuck sake, who's can he talk to about his problems, his loneliness. He'd be going mental in the silence. He can't very well call life line. And can you imagine if he did.

[GOD'S DESPERATE VOICE]
'Hi, my name's God and I'm having thoughts of harming myself. Things are just getting too big for me, I can't take it anymore.'

The guy, on the other end of the phone, scratches his head and refers to his notes. 'Yeah man, I've been there. But I can tell you, I know what you're going through. You're thinking, no one knows what it's like to be God. But friend, I do. You can talk to me, we're brothers.'

'Horse shit!' God slams down the phone and goes back to his brooding, because ultimately he's omniscient and knows that bloke's feeding him a load of crap before he's even said it.

So in the emptiness of nothing He decides to do himself in and straps a bunch of explosives to his chest and pushes the detonator.

God was a suicide bomber. Bing Bang! Nietzsche was right, God is dead, and he went with a one hell of big bang.