Hey From Bombay

Bombay or Mumbai is weird city, the name you use depends on which side
of the religious fence you sit on. I like calling Bombai or Mumbay.

It's weird living here though, not like my previous travels through
Asia because i never spent this amount of time in the one spot. But
let me tell you about the culture shock? The one that everyone whose
been to India tries to prepare you for? With the suffering, the people
dying on the street in piles of boney bodies, the lepers, the beggars,
the etc, the etc... you know the one what people say, when you go
there you'll have a spiritual experience from seeing masses of people
suffering for no other reason than being poor and you'll be
spiritual-ised because there's no way you can help them, there's just
too many of the buggers you just have to learn to deal with
it.

I don't think so! I've suffered more! Well, maybe not, but don't get
me wrong some of best freinds are people.

But the culture shock I'm experiencing is from being an Aussie. People
are constantly talking to me about the cricket! I've had to start
reading one article a fortnight about the sport so i can contribute to
their bloody conversations, but i can't bring myself to read or learn
anymore than necessary.

But that's not it. The culture shock is this...

Being an Aussie i naturally reject authority, it may be from the
flow-over of the convict era with our generations of rejecting our
colonial oppressors, or you could call it our socially inbuilt
tall-poppy syndrome, whatever, i don't care, i know i don't like
authority and there's thousands of others like me back home that feel
the same way.

So staying in the Marriott, I constantly have these little men coming
up to me
they grin up at me, asking, 'How can I be helping your service, sir?'

'What?'

'Is there anything you will be needing? Another gin and tonic, perhaps sir?

Naturally I've grown accustom to the free drinks. Admittedly, that's
pretty lush. But i feel weird telling the guys, who are actually
begging for it, what to do.

Sandy goes to work at 9am and doesn't get back til 7 at night and
because i was sick when i first got here I spent my first week in bed,
food poisoned by my servants i might add, i didn't get out much in
that first week or two. I even had a doctor visit me in my room.

It was about 1am in the morning, outside out hotel room it was 33
degrees and my body was freezing. I'd put all my clothes on and still
couldn't get warm. Sandy was giving me weird looks, she decided to
make the call even though i was doing my best to persuade her that i
would get over it.

We'd been waiting for about two hours for the doc to show up, i
decided to complain to the hotel by calling the front desk and deal
with it in the morning. but no sooner i had i hung up the phone was
our door bell ringing.

'You called for a doctor?' she asked.

I'm already feeling guilty about complaining before she begans to tell
me why she's late. Another guest had to rushed to hospital.
'You have food poisoning,' she says, checking me out. 'Your tempreture
is high, but there is no reason to worry.'
Then she gets a call from the front desk.
Sorry about that.' i say trying to look innocent and sweaty.
'No problem.' She says. 'I'm going to have to give you an injection
to take away your fevour.'
I roll up my sleave.
'No, sir. This one has to go into your behind.'
The needles like a sword and I know she's grinning like a demon as she
penetrates my arse.

Now though, I've been out heaps and working on that documentary idea,
i might have told you about it, not the Mockumentary, this ones a
travel one with sort of short off the beaten track stories. I've been
working on a 'How to be a Bollywood Extra' story.

I've been interviewing all kinds of different people who are involved
in the recruitment of western tourists/backpackers.

Yesterday, i went to chat with this old Jesuit priest, he's about 70+
and been doing mission work here all his life. He's constantly being
used as an extra in movies and he knows a lot of the horror stories
about people (westerners) being exploited. That and he breeds snakes.

So i got off the topic with him a fair bit and he told me what he
thought and knew about the British rule. 'I'm one of the few who
stayed behind,' he said.

He was even here when Ghandi was shot in Delhi, 1948. So as I said,
he's an old guy and we got off the topic, but very likable and he gave
some great ideas, say if i ever manage to get some funding from an
Aus. Arts Council grant, I'd like to make that doco, 'The ones that
stayed behind', a series on different messed up countries (mostly
under British rule - That's your fault Steve!) where the whiteys have
fled except for a few.

I invited him out for a beer, but he doesn't drink and his diet, 'cos
he's old, is mostly mashed up stuff. 'That's gotta suck,' I told him.
'Yes,' He agreed, 'But i'm going to live to 105.'
I'm going back to chat with him next week.

Anyway, the other doco is going good, i'm going to be following around
a recruiter next week as they scout for westerners. Hopefully i can
get some before/after interviews with them.

Anyway I'll leave it there .