Nepal, I nearly died!!!!!

I nearly died because I caught Sandy's sickness. I had my money riding
on it being different and being the dreaded chicken flu only because i
think it sounds funny, but I'm such a wimp when it comes to being
sick. I turn into the biggest souk and previously I'd been telling her
to stop being such a baby about it and get over it - she'd only had to
go to hospital once!.

'I'm sure the rooms are much cleaner inside.' I kept telling as we walked
into the hospital. 'They have to be educated about these things. Much cleaner
inside.'

We got shoved in a waiting room full of about a hundred curious yet
pale faces all staring at us while we all waited to be next to see the
only doctor available. Anyway Sandy was fine, he just gave her some
antibiotics and gave me some very serious conversation while he
managed to ignore the existence of his patient, Sandy, all together.

'The reason there is so much corruption in Nepal is because the
politicians want to drive cars like mine. I have a BMW. They're
trying to keep up with me.'

'uh huh'

'How could they possibly afford a house like mine without their bribes.'

'Thanks, mate. You've been truly fascinating.'

The pills he gave her seemed to work. I stole them off her when i got it.

Imagine your face heavy and feeling like it's sliding off - a cough so
deep it touches hell and makes you talk like the devil and a fever to
match the inferno of hell where you feel like you're heading.

Yeah, cool i think I'm up for walking, i said, 'I'm a bloke.'

A day latter I'm vomiting on the beautiful scenery of the Himalayas.
This is where i feel like I'm going to die.

'Just a bit further,' Sandy says, 'We've only got to another 10kms to go.'

The mountains are vertigo above and below me. Clouds are in the
valleys and blues skys above. Another puke shoots from my guts. The
yaks are bleating and conversation is starting to make sense.

I've got a list of places I've puked on now, my first and personal
favourite is Ullaru -Ayers Rock - when i climbed it stoned, in the
middle of the day, and bare footed - a good way to get heat stroke and
blow chunks on the sacred site.

So if i get a few more natural wonders under my belt (or is that out
from under my belt?) i might be setting some kind of new record.

It was then I did decided to steal Sandy's pills.

You can hire Sherpas up there to carry your stuff, and of course I
considered this but there's a whole bunch of philosophies that go with
this

- I'm giving someone a job/I'm encouraging slavery -
- it's giving them something to do/I'm a lazy bastard -

On the whole though the reason i didn't go with the Sherpa (because i
am a lazy bastard) is that the Euros I'd seen marching down the hill
holding their professional walking sticks (pointy ones), dressed in
their skintight Lycra shorts with their ball sack bouncing (or a nice
firm camel's foot bulging for the ladies) while a tiny man stumbling
behind them carrying their lorry load of packs. He'd be all bundled
together with ropes and bags and have then all strapped to his
forehead. The package would be bigger than him and he'd look like an
ant carrying a boulder on its head from a distance with two glamour
queens marching in front of him discussing the latest prices of fake
Gucci handbags.

I guess, somehow, I'd feel like a little uncomfortable letting a
little man carry my load, I'm too proud, but looking back i should
have. I might not have puked on the mountain and had some pair of
glamorous Euros turn their noses up at me as I was doubled over
emptying my guts into the most scenic place on the earth. The Sherpa
said, hello.

So i got better, i even gave up smoking, it's been a whole week
without a ciggie, and we had a lovely walk down the hill. Very nice
views.

Anyway, just though i'd add the little bit about how i nearly died!!!!!